Run
by SacredNagChampa
Summary: She’d like to say that it was accident. That she stumbled. That she was aiming for his cheek and he turned at just the wrong right moment and their lips brushed.' Alex's first Christmas home from college. Justin/Alex.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own any of it.

_Run, run, run away  
Lost, lost, lost my mind  
Like you to stay  
Want you to be my prize_

Runaway- Yeah Yeah Yeahs

_Christmas Day, 4:36 am_

She'd like to say that it was accident. That she stumbled. That she was aiming for his cheek and he turned at just the wrong (right) moment and their lips brushed. But if she stops to think about it (which she does too often) she knows that it's what she intended. What she had intended for quite some time. Since the search for the stone.

Something shifted. Perhaps it was the nightly heart to hearts before bed, or their closeness as they huddled together to share warmth during the night. It was something. Something beyond anything that she had ever experienced.

When they got back to New York, she ignored it. Buried it deep somewhere inside of herself. Somewhere she hoped she would never be able to find again.

And she managed, for quite some time.

*****

_11 days before Christmas, 6:58 pm_

She had made it through her first semester of college. A feat that many in her family never dreamed possible, herself included.

Sure, she was only going to Rhode Island School of Design while Justin was off at Yale, proving for the thousandth time that he was smarter than his sister. Not like she needed reminding of it. Geesh.

The taxi driver pulls as close to the sub station as possible and heaves a sigh when Alex only gives him a three dollar tip. She rolls her eyes, God, like she can even afford that. She spent a good portion of her money on the bus ticket to New York. She's a freshman with a shitty waitressing job and can barely afford a pack of Ramen Noodles. She steps out of the cab and heaves a sigh as she lifts her luggage out of the back seat. It sure would be nice to have some help. For Christ's sake, she's a tiny girl.

Finally she removes her bag and barely slams the door before the cab driver speeds off into traffic.

*****

"Alex!" Her dad exclaims when she enters the loft. "Theresa!" He yells over his shoulder, "Our baby girl is home!" Her dad wraps her up and lifts her, spinning her around like he used to years ago. Mid spin, she catches site of her mother rushing down the stairs and into the living room.

"Hey mom, hey dad," she gets in before her mom wraps her up tighter than her father did seconds before and she's pretty sure that if her mother was still able to lift her, she would have. "Oof," she mumbles in her mom's hair, "I love you guys and all, but you need to let me breathe for a sec, okay?"

"Oh! Of course!" her mother says, finally letting her go, only to hold her face in both of her hands and run her cold fingers over the planes of her face, like it's been years, not weeks since she last saw her daughter, "Oh Alex, we missed you so much."

Alex offers her a mother a small grin before she pulls away from her grasp, "I missed you, too."

They're all silent for a moment, studying the changes in each other. Jerry and Theresa take in the new hollowness of their daughter's cheeks and her frail wrists, both vowing to feed her as much as they can before she makes her return to RISD. Alex notices her dad has put on a couple more pounds, lost some more hair, and realizes with some shock that her mother's hair is graying.

Jerry finally spots her suitcase and offers to take it up to her old room for her. She smiles a thanks, hugs her mother one more time before following her father up the stairs. All she wants to do is sleep. Her last exam was exhausting, and to be perfectly honest, she hasn't been sleeping that well lately. She's been dreading the trip home, been dreading seeing Justin again.

She can feel that—_thing_, welling up inside her again. The same thing she thought she had buried and forgotten about years ago.

When they walk past Justin's room she tries not to look at it but fails (like she has at many things in her short life). His door is ajar and she sees everything is exactly the way it was when he left a week before her in August. His blue bed is neatly made, books all aligned on the shelf, DVDs neatly organized and his dolls (okay, his _action figures_) are on display on his desk next to his desktop.

She sighs lightly and turns away, biting her lips and willing tears not to fall. Her dad is telling her something she realizes, something about how they haven't touched her room. Her father opens the door and notices with some disdain that her father was right; nothing's changed.

*****

She must have fallen asleep. The room is darker than it was a couple hours ago and the house is silent. She turns to the right and checks the time on her alarm clock, 2:59 am. "God," she mutters and scrubs her hands over her face. She's royally screwed up her sleeping habit for the next few nights. She figures she'll put her time awake to use.

She climbs off the bed and begins the mundane task of unpacking her bag. Pulling out her clothes, folding them and putting them neatly in their own drawers. Bras and panties in the top drawer followed by old t-shirts and pajama bottoms in the next. She evens takes the time to hang up her nicer clothes; dresses, blouses, jeans and skirts.

Forty five minutes later her suitcase is empty and she sits on the edge of her bed, taking in the sights that used to be so familiar and have somehow become a distant memory. She groans and falls back on the bed. She wishes she could've gone on vacation with some of her friends. But her mother would have none of that and begged for weeks that she come home for Christmas.

"I could be in Florida," she huffs to herself and closes her eyes. Her stomach growls and she groans. "Ugh. Guess I should feed you."

She carefully walks past her brother's room, not wanting to wake him and quickly walks down the stairs, eager for some leftovers that she's sure her mother put in the fridge for her.

She holds her breath and stops halfway down the stairs when she sees the shallow light from the fridge and the outline of—"Justin." She half sighs, loud enough for him to hear.

He turns and offers her a rare, small smile, "Alex."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

_I got to go because_

_Something's on my mind_

_And it won't get better_

_No matter how hard I try_

Just Got to Be- The Black Keys

_10 days before Christmas, 3:08 am_

She tries to think of something to say, anything, but she can't. She ignores the rumbling in her stomach and turns around to head back up the stairs. She can wait a few more hours before she eats. She's done it before.

But Justin's quicker than her and soon she feels his fingers gently wrap themselves around her upper arm. She closes her eyes at his warm touch and concentrates on her breathing_. In and out, in and out._ He turns her to face him and for once she doesn't resist. She slowly opens her eyes and peers down at him. He's still smiling at her and she feels something in her stomach clench.

"Hey," he whispers, "long time no see, eh?"

She quirks a brow and whispers back, "Yeah. I guess so."

His hand on her arm travels upwards and he gently brushes back her hair, "You got it cut," he states, taking in the short, choppy style of her hair.

She shrugs, "Yeah. My roommate did it."

He nods and continues to run his fingers through the silky locks. "Looks good."

She inhales and shakily replies, "Thank you." She glances quickly at his gray eyes. "I'm tired. Goodnight." And she runs up the stairs.

*****

She wakes up just before nine to the smell of pancakes and bacon. Her stomach grumbles at her and she frowns, placing her hand on the offended body part, "Sorry," she whispers before getting up and heading down the stairs.

Her mom and dad are in the kitchen, busily making breakfast for their children, occasionally they pause what they're doing to kiss each other gently, or whispers something into each other's ears. Alex grimaces and takes a seat next Max.

"Hey Alex," he says before going back to the comic strip he was reading. She smiles at him and ruffles his curly hair. He glares at her and pulls away from her hand.

"Hey Maxie." She replies.

They sit quietly for a moment, only the sound of bacon sizzling in the pan fills the room. Alex takes a moment to study her younger brother. He's taller than her now, she's sure of it; he may even be taller than Justin. His face is thinner, his hair thick and curled. She squints at him and realizes that he even has some stubble. _Damn_. "I can't believe you're going to be eighteen soon."

Max shoots her a small grin, "I know, me either. I'm so excited though. You do realize that we'll be having the competition soon, right?"

"Huh," she makes a face; she doesn't really care for magic anymore. Hasn't practiced it in almost a year. "Yeah, I guess it is, isn't it?"

His smile widens, "Yeah, it is. So you and Justin better be prepared. I'm gonna kick your asses."

Theresa glares at her son, "Max, language, please."

He rolls his eyes at his mother and shakes his head, "Whatever," he mumbles and continues reading.

Soon after, Justin stumbles down the stairs. Alex tries not to think about how much she wants to jump him. His plaid pajama bottoms hang low on his hips, his wife beater clings tightly to his chest and his hair is in sleepy disarray. Her brow furrows and she stares intently at the empty plate in front of her.

*****

_8 days before Christmas, 1:22 pm_

Her parents and Max are downstairs working in the station. They're surprisingly busy, despite the holiday season and snow covered roads. She's taking the time to release all her pent up energy. She finds an old and surprisingly blank canvas tucked away in her closet. She sets her easel up, arranges her paint and brushes, finds loud, obnoxious music and turns it up as loud as she can.

She's furiously applying paint to the white space. Hurrying to fill in the blank spaces with color. Her breathing has increased and she tries desperately to control herself, but she can't. She throws the brush across the room. She takes her hands and smears them in the paint; covering both palms with the cold, thick substances and smears them across the canvas.

She lets out a cry and pounds her fist against the canvas, knocking the easel down. Tears begin to stream down her face and she wipes them away angrily with her messy fist. She sits like that on her floor, crying, wiping the tears, until finally she falls asleep with dried paint caked on her hands and cheeks.

*****

"Alex," someone says in her ear, she groans and rolls away from them. "Alex," they try again.

"Go away," she mutters and rolls away again.

"Alex, come on. Wake up. Clean this up before mom and dad come up. Take a shower." Justin sighs, "Grow up," he states before walking out of the room.

Alex sits up in time to watch him slam the door behind him, "Fuck you," she whispers. The tears begin again and she hurriedly grabs some clothes and rushes to the bathroom. She doesn't want to glance in the mirror, hasn't done it in months. But she does anyway, because she's a masochist, the face that looks back at her isn't familiar. Dark circles under the eyes, hollow cheeks painted gray and dull eyes. She wants to scream but she swallows it and instead turns the shower on.

*****

"Justin tells me you were working on some new masterpiece today," her mother says excitedly from across the table.

Alex smiles and pushes her potatoes around with her forks, "Yeah, I sure was. I should be done in a couple of days. I'll have to show you it when it's done."

Theresa grins, "I'd like that. I haven't seen one of your paintings in a while."

Alex shrugs and continues to play with her potatoes, steadily ignoring Justin's gaze.

*****

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Fuck off, Justin. _God_, I'm not in the mood. I don't even want to be here, let alone be talking to you." It's somewhat true, she reassures herself. She doesn't want to be here. She doesn't want to be talking to him. She just—she isn't sure anymore.

"No."

She closes her book on Picasso and raises an eyebrow at him, "No?"

He shakes his head, shuts the door behind him and sits on the foot of her bed, "I'm not going away. Jesus, Alex, every time we make a little progress you have to go and screw it up. You push me away. Always. Ever since we were kids."There's a flash of sadness in his eyes and she tries to ignore it.

She shrugs and plays with the shaggy throw blanket that is covering her legs, "I don't know, Justin," she says softly, staring at the blanket, too scared to raise her eyes. Too afraid of what he might see there.

He lets out a breath and leaves the bed. "Alex, I…" he trails off, stares at something above her head, shakes his head and repeats his earlier sentiment, "Grow up," and he leaves the room.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

_My friends they don't really get me,_

_Think I'm the only one_

_Well I sold my soul to Jesus and since then I've had no fun._

_Behind every tree is a cutting machine and a kite fallen from grace. _

_Inside every man is a heart of sand you can see it in his face._

The Captain and the Hourglass-Laura Marling

_7 days before Christmas, 11:54 pm_

Its times like this that she wishes she was still seven years old and innocent. When Justin was her biggest hero and just a brother. When Max still had chubby cheeks and mischievous grins. When she was seven and couldn't sleep her dad would make her hot chocolate and read her her favorite book. But now at 19 and full of incestuous thoughts, she sits alone in her bed.

*****

_6 days before Christmas, 10:11 am_

Justin hasn't talked to her in two days. Her parents only talk to her at dinner and Max is usually with his friends.

She wishes that _she_ had friends. Well, she has some, flighty girls that giggle and curl their hair, girls that paint each other's nails and whispers about their crushes behind their hands. But what good is any of that? She tries to think back to the last time she had an actual conversation but she can't remember.

All she wants to do is curl up in bed and stay there. She wants to disappear beneath her sheets and comforter and burrow her head under her pillow and never come up for air. She begins to do just that when there's a knock on her door. She groans and yells a muffled "come in!" into her sheet covered mattress.

"Alex?"

"Under here."

"Oh," Theresa pauses, "what are you doing under there? Does your head hurt? I can go get you something. Are you sick, do you have a fever?"

Alex quickly shuts her eyes as her pupils are assaulted with the light from the room as her mother moves her blankets and puts a cool hand to her forehead. "I'm fine mom, just tired."

Theresa sighs, sits on the bed and gathers her daughter into her arms, "What's wrong, Alex? You can tell me."

Alex shakes her head and rests her head on her mother's shoulder, "I can't." _You'd hate me_, she adds silently.

Theresa frowns at Alex and smoothes her hair back, "Is it about Justin? I noticed you two have been fighting," she harrumphs, "I can't understand why you two can't get along."

Alex bites her bottom lip, "No mom, it's not Justin," she lies and begins to cry. Great sobs shaking her small frame. She wraps her arms around her mother's neck and continues to cry.

"Oh, Alex," her mother whispers, "Shh, sweetie, it's okay. I'm here."

*****

After Alex has cried all her tears, she actually does have a headache. Her mother hurries to the bathroom and returns to give her some aspirin and kisses her forehead before leaving her to sleep.

She falls asleep quickly, exhausted from her crying.

When she wakes up a few hours later she thanks every god she can think of that she didn't have any dreams.

*****

Jerry wakes Alex up a little after two, asks her how her head is and after she reassures him that she's fine he asks her if she can help down in the restaurant, he grins down at her and ruffles her hair, "Please Alex? The station sure has missed its best waitress."

She smiles back, feeling semi-normal for the first time in months, "Sure dad, let me freshen up and I'll be down there in a little bit."

He claps his hands and rubs them together, "Great! Thanks so much, Alex." She returns his grin with one of her own and hurriedly brushes her hair, her teeth and applies some mascara and lip gloss before going down stairs.

Working helps, she soon finds out. Plastering a smile on her face and taking orders takes her mind off of everything but the ordinary.

*****

_5 days before Christmas, 8:04 pm_

Her parents have closed the sub station for the day, intent on decorating and preparing for the upcoming holiday. Theresa didn't have the heart to do any of this without her oldest children. So Alex spent the day baking sugar cookies with her mom, watching Justin and her dad try to assemble the Christmas tree and then finally frosting the cookies and decorating the tree with her family. She smiles because she has to and she laughs when Max somehow gets frosting all over his nose because it's expected. Later, when they're wearing coordinated clothing and gathering in front of the tree to take their annual Christmas family photo she tries not to frown when Justin refuses to stand next to her.

She's exhausted from the day and is now lounging on the couch, sipping eggnog and watching her parents and Max play Monopoly on the floor, another Russo family tradition. Justin disappeared just after dinner and she hasn't seen him since. She tries not to feel anything about it. But she can't deny the hurt that's causing her throat and chest to ache. The song on the mixed CD they're listening to changes to something upbeat, something she can't take right now and she excuses herself from the room.

In her room she picks up a magazine and carelessly flips through it, pausing once in a while to read an article that she finds somewhat interesting. She's so engrossed in her task she doesn't notice Justin coming to stand in her doorway and she jumps when he says her name. Hand over her racing heart she looks up at her brother, "Justin you…" she trails off when she notices his red rimmed eyes, "you look like shit," she finishes softly. He snorts and let's himself into her room.

He sits at the end of her bed, "You could say that," he says, voice hoarse and he begins to trace meaningless patterns on her bedspread.

Her expression softens and she whispers, "Justin," she moves toward him and places a hand on his arm and ignores the way he flinches when her skin touches his. "What--?"

He cuts her off and stares at her hand on his arm, "I can't," he pauses when his voice cracks and finally makes eye contact with her, "I can't do this anymore."

She doesn't need clarification, as_ this_, is clearly the thing that's been growing between them for three years. "Oh, Justin," she sighs and gathers him in her arms.

He sobs into her chest and wraps his arms around her delicate body. "Shh," she whispers and wraps her arms around him, running her hands through his hair "It's okay," she reassures him, even though it's not, "Shh," she sighs and kisses his head.

They stay like that for quite some time, only the sounds of his tears and her lips on his forehead filling her childhood room.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

_Waking up today it was cold out_

_There's something I should say_

_But I can't get my head around the bends in your brain_

_And your elaborate pain makes me tired_

Teeth- Lisa Hannigan

_4 days before Christmas, 2:23 am_

She wishes she lived somewhere else, somewhere where the city _does_ sleep. A city that gets to see the stars and moon. Because she'll admit (but only to herself, and that's a struggle) that she has a soft spot for chick flicks and horribly written harlequin novels and ever since she was fourteen she's wished that she could study a boy sleeping next to her in the moonlight. But as she soaks in Justin's familiar features that are unfamiliar in their serenity, she decides that she'll settle for the manmade harshness of city lights.

*****

Later that morning Justin sneaks back to his room, softly brushing his lips on his sister's cheek before he leaves. When she gets downstairs for their family breakfast he pretends nothing has happened, he's taken a shower and looks refreshed, she holds back the eye roll and the snort that tries to escape her when she realizes that he's tried to wash their night away. _And I'm the childish one_, she thinks with a sardonic grin.

She shakes her head and takes a sip of her coffee and ignores her mother's tsk-ing from behind her.

She's pretty sure that by now she's not in danger of stunting her growth.

*****

That night after their parents have gone to bed she tries to not be surprised when Justin comes in her room. She raises a brow and he answers with a shrug and makes room for himself on her bed. She turns to hide her smile, placing her book on her nightstand and turns to look down at her brother. Alex finds him lying on his stomach with his crossed arms tucked under his head and a grin on his face, a real one, the one that makes the corner of his eyes crinkle.

She lowers herself and lies on her own stomach, mimicking his position.

And they stay like that, on their stomachs, staring at each other, the same way they did when they had staring contests when they were kids.

This time they don't keep track of who wins.

*****

_3 days before Christmas, 5:59 pm_

Today's been a good day, Alex decides. Another night with Justin, she slept in, and finished a painting for her mom. She hums along happily to her upbeat Cure song (some sort of oxymoron, she's sure) and walks around Washington Square North. She eagerly soaks in the architecture of the townhouses and takes a sip from her mint mocha coffee. But since she's more of the 'glass half empty' kind of girl she's waiting for the other shoe to drop.

*****

"Hey," her dad says from his spot on the couch, glancing fleetingly at her when she enters the loft. Her lips curl at the sight of her father so clearly intrigued by some sci-fi show he's watching on the TV. She removes her boots and gloves and shakes the surviving snow from her hat.

"Hi dad," she finally replies when she sits next to him, "What are you watching?"

"Huh? Oh, ummm….you know Alex, I'm not quite sure." He grins at her and goes back to his show.

Her smile grows and she spends the next hour sitting silently next to her dad, every so often taking in his features. She tries to find some of Justin in his features, tries to find some way to convince herself that she's disgusting. But she can't find anything. Later, when her mom comes in and joins them on the couch she sits and studies her, too. Nope, she sighs, no Justin there either.

*****

"Do I look like mom or dad?" she asks him quietly when they're in her bed.

He's silent for a moment and stares at her ceiling, "No," he pauses and turns to her, "Do I?"

She shakes her head, she groans and falls back on her bed, "Justin, what are we doing?"

"I don't know."

She huffs, "That's what I was afraid of." She pushes herself off of her bed and heads toward her door.

Justin sits up quickly, "Where are you going?"

"I need a cigarette."

He makes a disgusted face, "You know that one cigarette takes eleven minutes off of your life, right?"

She rolls her eyes and turns back to him and asks half surprised, half sarcastic, "Really?"

"Yes."

She holds back a groan, "That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean?"

"Justin, seriously? You're going to criticize me for smoking? Don't you think I have more _sickening_ habits? Something else you should be concerned about?"

His brow furrows and she almost laughs at the confusion on his face, "What do you mean?"

"Justin!" she exclaims and puts her hand to her forehead, "I'm in love with my brother! Do you realize how absolutely wrong that is? I mean, I get it, I'm not that smart, but even I can see what's wrong with this situation. And you! You're not helping! Coming in here every night! 'I can't do this anymore' you tell me. But then you want to sleep in bed with me, brush back my hair and kiss me when you think I'm sleeping? Decide what you want Justin. Either stop this—stop making me hurt even more than I do or you can grow the fuck up and not only acknowledge that you love your sister but maybe for once in your life act on your instincts. Do you want me, Justin?"

"I—Alex, I can't. We can't."

"But we are! Goddamn it! If you want me Justin, take me! I want you! Do something!"

"Alex…"

She cuts him off, "Not right now, I really need that cigarette."

*****

She knows smoking is gross; it smells, it makes your mouth taste like an ashtray, and yeah, sure, after years of abuse it can kill you. But _Jesus_, Justin pisses her off sometimes.

*****

_2 days before Christmas, 12:34 pm_

So Justin's not talking to her anymore after last night, he won't even look at her. Whatever, she thinks, and sends a glare at his back. He's just pissed because for once she called him out on something and she was right.

But if he doesn't do something soon she's afraid she's going to do something. Something that's either going to piss him off or finally make him act like the man he's claimed to be since he was twelve years old, when their relationship lost all of its childhood innocence.

She sighs heavily and stomps up the stairs, intent on releasing her frustration on her easel.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

_Oh, I'm gonna be wounded,_

_Oh, I'm gonna be your wound,_

_Oh, I'm gonna bruise you, _

_Oh, you're gonna be my bruise. _

The Word of Your Body-Jonathan Groff & Lea Michele, Spring Awakening

_2 days before Christmas, 11:12 pm_

She's trying to go to sleep, but she can't. She can't tear her eyes away from the spot on her bed that's been occupied by Justin the past few nights. She misses the heat radiating off of his body, his warm breath on her neck and his arm draped across her waist. She exhales heavily and rolls onto her other side. But sleep still doesn't come.

*****

_Christmas Eve, 10:24 am_

Her parents make another huge breakfast, complete with eggs, pancakes, bacon and hash browns. Her stomach churns at the sight. She can't possibly eat that much food. Not today, not with the thousands of thoughts that are filling her head and making her ill on their own. She covers her mouth with her hand and rushes to the bathroom, dry heaving into the toilet. She lays her head down on the cool tile floor and ignores the knocking on the door.

"Alex?" her father calls from the other side, "Are you okay, hon? Your mom sent me to check on you. Do you want me to tell her that you're alright?"

Her eyes flutter close, she's just so tired, "I'm fine, dad. I think I'm getting the flu or something."

"Oh," he pauses, "Do you want me to help you upstairs?"

"No, I'll be alright."

"You sure?"

She almost rolls her eyes, "Positive, dad."

"Umm, you're not—you're not pregnant, are you?"

She snorts, "Dad, you have to be sexually active to get pregnant."

He laughs uncomfortably and she can just imagine him running his hand through is thinning hair, "Oh, right. Well, I'll just leave now…"

"Okay."

*****

She eats lunch later that day, she makes half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, every bite is a struggle and the food rests heavily in her stomach.

Her mother continues to ask her if she's okay.

Her dad is sending her superstitious looks; she figures he still suspects that she has a bun in the oven.

Max offers her a mint, telling her that it will help her stomach and she's left wondering when her little brother grew up.

Justin ignores her.

*****

_Christmas Day, 12:00 am_

He comes to her at midnight. She only knows this because his wristwatch beeps with the arrival of the new hour.

"Merry Christmas," he states and sits on her bed.

She offers him a small smile, "Merry Christmas, Justin."

They're silent for a few moments; she stares at his profile as he stares out her bedroom window. "So, I've thought about it—what you said last night."

She doesn't say anything. She doesn't try to encourage him or comfort him. This is something he needs to do on his own.

"I've always tried to be a good brother. I mean, even all of those times you were driving me nuts and all I really wanted to do was lose it. I've been good, haven't I?"

She's sure it's rhetorical so she doesn't say anything.

"Do you remember when you were eight and I promised I would always protect you?"

She nods, "Yeah, it was right after September 11th."

He nods, "You were so scared after that."

She laughs, "I remember, I didn't sleep in my bed for weeks."

He chuckles and quickly sobers, "I meant what I said, Alex. I always protected you: whether it was from some mean girl at school, mom and dad, boys that were only after you to break your heart, even the nonexistent monsters in your closet." He sends her a wry grin and she laughs lightly.

He shakes his head and his expression becomes pained, "I never thought I'd have to protect you from myself, Alex."

"Justin," she whispers and touches his forearm, "Don't. Don't think this is your fault. It's not."

His shoulders shake with silent sobs, "Alex, I can't. I can't do this. I'm so sorry. I just—God, if you weren't my sister…"

"Shh," she tries to soothe him.

He turns to her, anger and pain flashing in his eyes. "Don't you get it? I love you, Alex. I want to be able to hold your hand in public, kiss you and_ love_ you. I want to make love to you and marry you and have kids with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you because I _chose_ to spend my life with you, not because you're my sister and we have to see each other. But, I can't, and it kills me, do you understand that? Neither of us can have a damn thing we want because someone fucked up and made us siblings."

She sits there for a moment, taking it all in and then she's on him, straddling his lap and kissing him, hard and desperate. And he kisses her back, their teeth clashing tongues fighting for dominance.

He pulls back, his face moist with tears and rasps, "Alex, we can't."

She sits back on his lap and begins to cry, "Please, Justin. Please. Just once. I—I love you so much. Please." She keeps pleading with him. She hasn't cried like this since he forgot her.

He kisses her gently and rests his forehead against hers, "I love you, too. But, Alex, you know it's wrong. What about mom and dad? What about Max?"

She shakes her head causing strands of hair to stick to her cheek, "I don't care. Just once, Justin. Please. That's all I need."

"What if we can't stop after that?"

"Then just tonight. And then in the morning we forget about it."

"Alex, this isn't something we can push to the side."

"Why not? Haven't we been doing that for years? One night, Justin. Just one fucking night."

He's quiet for a minute, staring at some spot on her floor. Finally he looks up at her, "One night."

And that's what she gets. One night. He's gentle and sweet, just like she knew he would be. It's beautiful and cheesy like the shitty novels from her teens and it's oh so fucked up because some part of her is aware that this is her_ brother_ inside of her. But she ignores it because she loves him and at some point he stopped being her brother and became the guy that she is love with. The next time they're desperate and hard, and uncoordinated and it's quite possible that she bit him at some point. After their third and final time of coming together they lay quietly. No harsh breathing fills the air, they don't talk about it. When she finally is able to she pulls on her clothes and he watches from the bed as she packs her bag.

"What are going to do?" He asks, propped up on the headboard.

She barely glances at him because if she did it would break her and she wouldn't be able to do this. She responds with a voice hoarse from crying, her reply is short and to the point.

"Run. I'm going to run."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

_And we're going to these meetings  
But we're not doin' any meetin'  
And we're trying to be faithful but we're cheatin', cheatin', cheatin'  
I'm the hero of the story  
Don't need to be saved._

Hero-Regina Spektor

_Christmas Day, 6:55 pm _

Her cell hasn't stopped ringing all day. And to make it worse her ringtone is _Baby, It's Cold Outside_, the Zooey Deschanel version. She can't for the life of her remember why she picked, to get in the holiday spirit, she supposes but now it just depresses her.

So she chucks her phone at her wall.

*****

It's three days after Christmas and she still refuses to answer the phone. She checked it a couple hours ago and she had 68 missed calls and 20 new voice mails. She won't be listening to them. She takes her phone and stomps on it with her boots until it's just a pile of miscellaneous colored metal and plastic on the floor.

*****

Breaking her phone was a bad idea because now there's just pounding on her door. She answers after the first hour and assures her worried mother that she's fine. She's just so sick and she didn't want to give it to any of them.

Her mother buys it, of course, who wouldn't? With her red rimmed, constantly watery eyes and nose stuffed after days of crying. She feels like shit and she looks like shit.

Theresa offers to make her some soup, buy her some cold medicine. Will anything help?

No, she tells her mother. And then as nicely as she can, shuts the door in her face.

*****

_New Year's Eve, 11:59 pm_

Alex lies on her bed with a carton of strawberry ice cream cradled next to her chest. Her eyes are still red, she can't really breathe through her nose, it's New Year's Eve and instead of partying like it's 1999 with her friends her only company is some cheap ice cream and Tim Gunn, telling hopeful designers to 'make it work'.

She wishes she could be more like her old self. Spiteful and immature. Not in love with Justin. That Alex. That pre-2009 Alex that everyone loved to hate.

*****

_Five days after New Year's Day, 11:29 am_

Her roommate, Sarah came back today. She takes one look at Alex huddled under some multi-colored, shaggy blanket, takes a disdainful sniff of the air and says, "Girl, you are rank." And proceeds to grab Alex's toiletries and drops them on her bed.

Alex takes the hint and showers for the first time since Christmas. Sarah was right, she was 'rank', her legs could almost pass for a man's, her hair is greasy and hangs limply around her face and her face is covered in dried tears.

And when she's in there she can pretend she's a normal girl, who had her heart broken by some random guy.

But she knows she's not. And she wishes for once in her life that she's as an ignorant as some people believe she is. Because bliss would be, well, bliss.

*****

School helps. A little bit. She revels in normalcy. Like, getting pissed at a professor because he told her she wasn't doing her project the right way. What the hell? It's art, right? Freedom of expression and all that shit? She realizes it's a mistake to yell this in his face. He looks taken aback for a second before he closes his mouth and just walks away from her area.

*****

_Valentine's Day, 3:23 pm_

Oh, oh, that's funny. She laughs hysterically when the nurse tells her. Oh, dad is gonna love this, she thinks to herself.

Congratulations the nurse with the bad haircut tells her.

"Congratulations?" Alex sputters, "Are you fucking kidding me? What's so great about this?"

The nurse's face falls, "Oh, I take that this wasn't planned?"

Alex snorts, "Wasn't planned? I'm nineteen lady, I'm still in college and the guy…"

The nurse becomes sympathetic, "I see. The father is no longer involved? Was it a one night stand? I know what it's like to be in college. To see some really cute guy—"

Alex cuts her off, "I'm not some sort of slut that hooked up with a random guy. I mean, I know him, it's just," she pauses and glances at the nurse with and incredulous look on her face, "Why am I telling you this?"

The nurse clears her throat and shifts uncomfortably, "There are always other options. You could give it up and it's not too late to have an abort—"

Alex cuts her off again, voice full of vehemence and anger flashing in her dark eyes, "No. Not that. This may not have been planned but it will be loved and cared for. No. Absolutely not." And with that she leaves the room.

*****

She'll just leave. Leave the state. Leave the east coast. She'll leave and never come back. She'll have her own family. Just her and her baby.

She has some money saved from her summer job and her job in Rhode Island. She'll think of something to do. When she gets back to her dorm she finds a map, closes her eyes and let's her finger land on a random state. New York. Nope, can't do that. She takes a deep breath and does it again; Connecticut. She snorts. Nope, not that either.

She takes another breath, closes her eyes and—her new phone rings.

"Hello?" She asks.

"Alex." It's Justin. His voice is tight and she knows. She knows something isn't right.

"What?" She replies voice softer now. "What is it?"

"You need to come to New York. It's dad."

She takes a sharp breathe and shakes when she releases it, "Is he okay?"

Justin sighs, "I don't… I don't know, Alex. But you need to come home. Just, forget about what happened and come home. Mom and dad and Max need you."

She lets out a choked sob, "What about you? Do you need me?"

He pauses for a moment, "Just come home." And he hangs up.

*****

She gets to New York as fast as she can. Some guy in her Art History class is coming home to New York for the weekend and offers to drive her.

She rushes to the hospital, asks for Jerry Russo's room number and runs to the elevator. Shifting and avoiding looks on the elevator ride.

She sees her dad and the tears come. All those wires. What does he need all of them for?" Her mom envelopes her in a hug as soon as she sees her and she's a little shocked when her mom sobs into her hair. "It was a heart attack."

Alex lets out a sob of her own and grips her mother tighter, "But he's okay, now?"

Her mom pulls away and wipes away the moisture from Alex's face, "He should be. They took him in for surgery a few hours. He had a bypass."

Alex nods, not quite sure what that means, something with arteries though, she thinks.

"But he's gonna be okay?" It's the only thing she can think about. Thoughts of Justin and the baby are gone. For the moment anyway.

Theresa nods and pulls her in for another hug, kissing her forehead, "He's going to fine."

Alex wishes she could say the same for herself.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

_When I feel like this, when I get so sick of myself  
Where are you going then, without me  
And not knowing then, that we're slowing down  
You've got to turn right around  
And tell me that I'm taken then  
Tell me if I'm yours_

Are You Ten Years Ago- Tegan and Sara

_Day after Valentine's day, 6: 59 pm _

She wakes up suddenly, jerking in her chair and sitting up straight. She listens closely to the noises in the hospital, she hears the nurses talking quietly outside the door at the nurses' station, the occasional voice over the PA paging a doctor and finally the steady peeping from her dad's machine. She studies the dark room and finally her eyes settle on a dark figure near the door.

It's Justin.

He walks toward her slowly, obviously wary of this action. "Hey," he whispers and hands her a Styrofoam cup filled with hot coffee.

She doesn't say anything, just takes a sip and burns her tongue. He sits on the foot of their father's bed and stares at his prone figure on the bed. Alex follows his gaze and watches the steady rise and fall of her father's chest with relief.

"I need to tell you something," he finally says, he doesn't look at her as he says it; instead he glances guardedly at the door.

"Okay, tell me."

He opens his mouth to begin but another person enters a room, some person she's never seen before. But the blonde can't be a nurse, she isn't in scrubs. "Baby," she coos her voice phony and husky, she sits in his lap wraps her arms around his body and kisses him forcibly on the lips, "Are you okay?" she finally asks after she pulls away.

Justin nods stiffly in the direction of Alex, "Jessica, this is my sister, Alex, Alex; this is Jessica, my fiancée."

He definitely doesn't look at her as he says this. Alex feels like she just swallowed a ton of ice. Jessica smiles at her and Alex hates her. She hates her name, and her long blonde hair, and her bright green eyes, and her long legs and she especially hates the possessive way she looks at Justin.

"Your fiancée?" She asks and tries to keep her tears at bay.

Justin doesn't answer her question, instead he asks, "Where's mom?"

Alex shakes her head, trying to gain some sense, "Umm, she went home. She needed to shower. And I told her…" she can't finish, she looks at Justin, "Your fiancée?"

Jessica bites her lip and looks between the brother and sister, "I thought you told them at Christmas?"

Justin looks at her briefly and swallows, "I did. But Alex went back to school early that morning. She was sick."

"Oh."

"Justin," Alex bites out, "Can I talk to you? Alone?" She sends Jessica a pointed look.

"Alex—"

"Now."

"Fine."

She drops her coffee in the trash as she storms out of the room, past the nurses and through a door leading to a deserted staircase. "Are you kidding me?!" She yells and pushes him back as hard as she can.

"What did you want me to do?" He asks her, his face full of conflicting emotions, "Sleep with you and then, 'Oh, by the way Alex, I'm getting married in the summer.' I couldn't do that to you."

"You could have told me no!" She exclaims.

"You were throwing yourself at me like some little slut! 'Come on Justin, just one night, that's all I need,'" he mocks, and it's almost like they're teens again, arguing about her doing magic when she wasn't supposed to.

Her mouth falls open and it only takes a second before she's slapping him, putting all of her weight into it. "I am not a slut! And you wanted me just as badly as I wanted you. You're the one that said yes!"

"It was a mistake, Alex! God, how thick are you?"

She begins to cry, slumps against the wall and falls to the floor, "I thought you loved me."

He crouches down beside her and tries to take her hands in his, she pulls away roughly and glares at him, "I do, I love you so much. But what I said that night, about wanting to marry you and have kids with you. You and I both know that can never happen. But I can have that with Jessica."

Her tears are steady now; she looks him in the eye and says, "I would wait forever for you." And with that she stands up and marches back to their father's room.

*****

_Three days after Valentine 's Day, 2:35 pm _

Jerry's sitting up in bed with Alex curled up by his right side, her head resting on her shoulder, he's back to his old self, telling Max some lame joke he heard from a nurse earlier that morning.

Theresa and Max laugh from their seats near his bed. Justin chuckles half heartedly from the end of the bed, his arm wrapped around Jessica's waist.

Alex tries hard not to glare or pay any attention really, she sighs contently and kisses her father's cheek, "I'm so glad you're okay, daddy," she says. And she calls him daddy because it comforts both of them. Jerry sobers mid laugh and brushes back his daughter's hair, kissing the top of her head before he glances around the room at his family, "Me too," he murmurs. They're all silent for a moment before Jerry starts a new joke and soon laughter fills the room again.

*****

_End of February, 9:26 pm_

She was invited to a few parties but she politely declined all invitations. She really didn't need to be surrounded by smoke and drunk imbeciles all night.

Instead she stays at her dorm, alternating between episodes of _A Baby Story_ on TLC that make her cringe and reading from a pregnancy book she has hidden under her bed that makes her sick with worry. Who knew so many things could go wrong in a pregnancy?

*****

Later that night she's resting on the bathroom floor, breathing heavily after just puking everything in her body (well, that's what it feels like anyway). She doesn't understand why they call it morning sickness and she wants to punch the bastard that coined it that, she only ever gets sick at night. When she's sure she's done, she brushes her teeth and crawls back into bed.

She lifts her shirt up and stares at her abdomen; she has a small, barely noticeable bump there. She runs her hand over it and sighs.

*****

She goes to the doctor at the beginning of March. They tell her the size of the fetus, how much it weighs and tell her that today she gets to hear the tiny heartbeat.

She listens closely and cries when she hears the steady _thump thump thump. _

*****

_Beginning of April, 10:28 am_

Her baby moves now. How insane is that? She actually feels it doing stuff in there. She cries sometimes when she thinks about it. God, she hates these hormones. She hates her lack of sleep and she hates that her waistline is slowly disappearing, but she loves this baby.

The nurse comes in, they exchange a few pleasantries before she's asked to lift up her shirt and that _freezing_ jelly stuff is squirted on her belly.

"Would you like to know the sex?"

She thinks about it briefly before she decides, "Yes," after all, she'd like to at least call it, he or she.

"Congratulations Ms. Russo, you're having a baby girl."

*****

_Easter, 3:56 pm_

The Russo's and Jessica are gathered around the table, finally sitting down to Easter dinner.

Alex is wearing a mid-length, loose dress that hides her extending stomach.

Conversation is going on all around her and when she sees Jessica rest her hand on Justin's thigh as he reaches for the potatoes she just blurts it, "I'm pregnant."

She almost laughs when Justin drops the bowl of potatoes in Jessica's lap.

* * *

A/N: I love you guys; you are so awesome, lol. So this chapter is a thanks to you and all of your wonderful reviews. Hopefully the next chapter will be up in a couple of days.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

_I don't know your thoughts these days  
We're strangers in an empty space  
I don't understand your heart  
It's easier to be apart_

We Might As Well Be Strangers- Keane

_Easter, 3:58 pm _

After an uncomfortable silence Alex turns to Max, "Can you pass the corn, please?"

Max complies, a disbelieving look on his face. She thanks him and adds the vegetable to her plate.

Justin's frowning and ignoring Jessica's pleas to help him clean up his mess; instead he stares at Alex and asks, "You're pregnant?"

She nods, a smile on her face, "Yes," she glances down at her stomach and rubs a hand comfortingly over it, "I'm having a little girl," she adds.

Jerry sits still in his seat, mouth slightly agape. Finally, "You're pregnant?"

Alex nods and Jerry glances at Theresa, "Did you hear her? Our little girl is having a little girl."

Theresa smiles hesitantly, "That's well…unexpected." She looks at Alex, "Is this what you want, Alex? I mean, you're just a freshmen in college, how are you—"

Alex cuts her off, "I've never wanted anything this much," She pauses, takes a bite of her ham, "Ooh, this is delicious, mom."

And nothing else is said about the matter.

*****

She was hoping that Justin would confront. Grab her arm and pull her away from everyone. But he doesn't. Instead he's silent through dinner and when he and Jessica finish he thanks their parents for the meal, helps Jessica into her coat and they leave.

*****

When she gets back to her dorm she sees Sarah working on some new project and she begins to cry.

Sarah hears her sniffling and takes in her heartbroken expression, "Oh, Alex," she whispers, "Come here," she pats a space next to her on her bed. Alex complies and cries into her roommate's shoulder.

*****

_Beginning of May, 2:55 pm_

The cravings have started. All she wants is some jalapeños, which is a little hard to get when she's sitting in class listening to her professor lecture. She looks at the clock, five more minutes and class is out.

When the professor finally dismisses the class she leaves as fast as she can and blows way too much money on food that she's wanted for weeks.

*****

Her cell rings later that day, it's her mom; she calls almost every day, "Hey mom," she says, mouth still full of the chip she was chewing.

"Alex! Where have you been! I've been trying to call you all day. Where were you?"

Alex rolls her eyes and reaches for another chip in her bag, "Class, mom. Reviewing and such. I told you exams start next week."

"Oh," Theresa exhales a sigh of relief on the other end. "You had me so worried." She chuckles, "Anyway, I was just wondering how you're doing. Are you sleeping okay? Are you taking your prenatal vitamins? You know how important those are, especially since you're probably just eating a bunch of junk," Alex drops the chip that was almost in her mouth, _Ugh, moms._

"Yes mom, I'm taking them. And I'm sleeping as much as I can. I'm fine. I promise. And in a couple of weeks I'll be back home and you can reprimand me as often as you want, okay? I've got to study, alright? I love you; I'll talk to you later."

Theresa finally says good-bye. Alex drops the phone unceremoniously on her bed, turns on her TV and grabs another chip.

*****

_End of May, 6:24 pm _

After a few hours of bonding with her family (minus Justin) and unpacking, she's finally settled in her own room.

She smoothes wrinkles on her bedspread before standing up, putting her iPod in its iHome, turns it on shuffle and settles back on her bed with a piece of charcoal and a blank piece of paper.

She sketches a baby. With chubby cheeks, soft hair, a pouty mouth and eyes shaped like Justin's. She stares at it for a moment when she's finished and traces the lines of the baby's face.

When Catpower comes on and sings _She's Got You _she begins to cry, immense, silent tears running down her face.

She rips up her picture and throws it away.

*****

_Middle of June, 10:56 am_

She wants Justin back. Not this lying douche bag that's taken over his body. She stares at the back of his head. He sits in-between Jessica and their mother. Wedding plans are in full swing now. Although the wedding has been pushed back to take place this fall.

She isn't quite sure who's doing this is. She doesn't question them though. Usually when they're here she locks herself in her room and paints.

As much as she hates him right now all she wants to do is crawl up in his lap and never leave.

*****

_End of July, 6:31 pm _

She loves her baby, don't get her wrong, but what the hell is it with people?

Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean they get run her belly. She's not a fucking Buddha, and to be completely honest, it's really creepy.

*****

_Middle of August, 11:11 am_

She sits on the couch, munching on a bologna sandwich and watches _The Price is Right. _She's _huge_. She can't see her feet anymore and she's getting really impatient.

All she wants to do is meet her baby girl. She feels a kick at her right side and smiles when she places her hand over the spot. Apparently her little girl is just as impatient.

*****

_September 9__th__, 5:32 pm_

All she wants is her mommy; she whines this at the nurse and pushes the lady's hand away when she tries to comfort her.

Finally Theresa makes her way into the room and clutches Alex's hand. "Oh, God," Alex moans, squeezing her mother's hand, "Never again. I'm never having a kid again."

Theresa chuckles, "That's what I said, and look, I had three."

Alex begins to glare at her, but fails as another contraction hits, she cries out and holds on to her mother's hand for dear life.

Later, her doctor is telling her to push and she does, because God damn, this hurts.

When she hears her daughter's cries she loses it, and begins to cry herself; happy tears, of course, she reassures her mother when Theresa asks.

*****

_September, 9__th__, 10:49 pm _

After months of waiting her baby is here, resting contently in her mother's arms.

Even though she's exhausted and can barely sit up, Alex does so, and traces her daughter's face like she did months ago when she drew her picture.

Alex was almost spot on. Her baby has Justin's eyes but other than that, she's all Alex.

Alex brushes back her incredibly soft black hair and kisses her head.

"I love you so much, Natalia Rose," she whispers in the baby's ear.

Natalia scrunches up her nose and shifts and her Alex's arms.


	9. An Interlude: Justin

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

_Will I always feel this way?_

_So empty, so estranged_

_Of these cutthroat busted sunsets_

_These cool and damp white mornings I have grown weary_

_If through my cracked and dusty dime store lips_

_I spoke these words out loud would no on hear me_

Empty- Ray LaMontagne

An Interlude: Justin

He doesn't know what to make out of these last nine months, hell, the past three years if he's completely honest with himself. When he came back home for Christmas he vowed to have nothing to do to her. Even if it killed him. He wouldn't talk to her, look at her, think about her. Even if she pouted or tossed her hair (because Lord, that got him every time). If it had anything to do with Alex Russo, well, he didn't want any part of it.

But, God, she came down those stairs and she was so beautiful and she looked so sad and lost; almost as fucked up as him. And he was back to square one. He should have known, if anyone had any sort of control over him, it was her.

You see, Justin Russo is a good guy. He does his homework on time, he brushes his teeth twice a day and flosses before bed, he volunteers at homeless shelters, and he holds doors open for women. He's a gentleman and really, how many of those are left?

So when he started lusting after his sister he was a little more than surprised. So he ignored it. He dated other girls, acknowledged Alex only as his sister and went about his way.

When he met Jessica she was everything Alex wasn't. She was book smart, responsible, blonde, tall and she giggled demurely. She didn't have long, brown locks that he wanted to tangle his fingers in, she didn't have coffee colored eyes that he wanted to get lost in, she wasn't sarcastic, and she never ever snorted at a joke. And above all she didn't push his buttons. How could she? They never disagreed on anything. She was something he could have. She was _safe_. She was the easy choice.

He hates this person he's become over the past few months. He's such an asshole. He called Alex a slut and told her to grow up. Why? How could he do that? Because _he_ was the one feeling guilty, because he's the one that needs to grow up; to accept _this_. He's the one that cheated on his fiancée. What kind of hypocrite does that make him?

And he had wanted Alex for so long. And there she was offering herself to him. How was he to resist? He couldn't. So he gave in. And it was everything he had ever wanted. It was perfect. Well, as perfect as something could be in this situation. How could he promise to forget about it? He knew he couldn't. And it's all he's ever thought about these days.

He doesn't know what to do anymore. Justin Russo's world is no longer black and white. And that scares the shit out of him.


	10. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

_Oh, baby blue, Oh baby blue  
C'mere I'm gonna smear another color over you  
Get outta bed you little sleepy head  
Your black and white needs a little bit of red,  
Your black and white needs a little bit of red  
Baby blue, Baby blue_

Little Bit of Red- Serena Ryder

_September 10, 7:09 pm_

Theresa, Jerry and Max just left after spending most of their day fawning over Natalia and Alex. But mostly Natalia. And really, who in their right mind can resist the little girl?

Jerry almost cried when he saw her. Alex clearly saw the moisture well up in his eyes, no matter how much he tries to deny the fact. Alex just grinned at her father and asked if he wanted to hold his granddaughter.

Which he did. For a good hour.

Alex lies back in her bed, Natalia resting against her chest; they're both tired from their day filled with visitors.

Alex sighs heavily and glances from the clock to the door and back again. He has 51 minutes before visiting hours are over and he better hurry up and get here otherwise she'll never take him back, even if he—

"Natalia," Justin states, his voice strong and clear from the doorway, his teacher's voice. "Natalia has an Italian origin. Right?"

At this she nods slightly, still shocked to see him there. She'd been hoping he would research this. Hell, she knew he would. He wouldn't be Justin otherwise, right?

"Right," he nods to affirm this piece of information to himself, "Italian origin. And it means 'Born on Christmas day' but since she wasn't actually born on Christmas I can only assume you named her that because—"

"Because she was conceived on Christmas," She finishes with a smile.

"Right." He stands at the foot of her bed now, a hesitant look on his face.

"Justin—" she starts but he interrupts her with a wave of his hand.

"I broke things off with Jessica," he chuckles sarcastically, "Don't worry, she took it pretty well and I'm pretty good at ducking."

Alex brow furrows, "What'd she do?"

Justin shrugs, "Threw some shoes at me. It's okay, like I said; I'm pretty good at ducking."

Alex snorts and hurriedly quiets when Natalia begins to move in her arms. "Shh," she whisper's against her forehead and brushes her lips against her daughter's cheek.

Justin watches all of this carefully, clearly awestruck by the moment. "She is mine, right?"

Alex posture stiffens, "No, she's _mine._ If you mean that biologically she's yours, yes, she is. But you haven't earned the right to be her father."

Justin face falls and he sighs heavily, he sits next to Alex on the bed and tries to touch her but like all those months ago, she pulls away. He turns away from her, but not quickly enough and she sees the tears in eyes. "God," he starts and pinches the bridge of his nose, "I'm so sorry, Alex. I can't—I can't believe I did all of that shit."

She doesn't say anything, doesn't even look at him, instead she watches her daughter and brings Natalia closer to her chest.

"I wish that we could back," Alex gasps at this, mouth hanging open slightly, her expression hurt and he hurriedly finishes, "To that night. I shouldn't have let you leave like that. I should have gone with you. I should have called you afterwards, gone to your dorm. Something. I shouldn't have let you go through this on your own. I mean, regardless of how fucked up all of this is, I'm still your brother, I could have at least been there for you in that sense."

"You're right," she whispers and laughs, "As usual."

He sends her a small smile before turning to look out the window.

"Can I make it up to you? I mean, I know what I did was awful, and really, I probably don't deserve another chance, but," he pauses, "I love you so much, Alex," he reaches to caress her cheek and this time she lets him, closing her eyes at the contact, "You told me once that you wanted to be more like me. Why?"

She shrugs, "Because you were so much smarter and more responsible than me. I thought, I don't know, that life would be easier if I was those things, I guess."

He shakes his head in disbelief, "Do you know how often I wish I could be more like you? God, Alex, you've always known what you wanted. And nothing was ever going to stop you from getting it. I wish I could be that sure. I wish I could for once do what I _want_ to do, not what I think I should do. And you're right, it is easier to be smart and be responsible. It's also boring as hell and isn't nearly as fulfilling. I know I should have told you about Jessica. Hell, I shouldn't have even been with her."

Alex sobers and looks down at her bed, "Then why were you?"

"Because it was easy. Because it's what was expected. Because it was smart and responsible. It was safe."

"Did you love her?"

Justin guffaws, "No," he shakes his head, "I could never love anybody but you," he lowers his voice and looks down at Natalia, "and her."

Alex knows she should yell at him, send him out of her room and demand that he never talk to her again. But she can't do that. She loves him too much and she wants Natalia to love him, too.

She's quiet for a moment, processing the hundreds of thoughts that are currently running through her head, "Okay."

Justin frowns, "Okay, what?"

Alex smiles, "Okay, we'll give you chance. But you have a lot of shit to make up for."

His eyes light up, his face hopeful, "Really?"

"Yes, really. But if you screw up again, we're done. I'll run away with Natalia and you'll never see us again," she looks at him sheepishly, "That day you called, that day dad had the heart attack, I was going to leave," she laughs, "I had a map in my lap and was about to pick a state to move to."

"Why didn't you?"

She shrugs, "I couldn't leave my family like that. Not during all that. I may have been pissed at you and scared shitless, but family's first." She laughs, "Oh God, we are so fucked up, you do realize that, don't you?"

He grins and lightly touches Natalia's black tuft of hair, "Yeah, and I wouldn't have it any other way."

She watches him and the tender way he touches their daughter. "Do you want to hold her?"

The fear that crosses his face causes her to giggle, "Umm, yeah, okay."

She shifts Natalia in her arms and gives her to Justin, helping him to adjust the small bundle in his arms. "Oh, wow," he states after a minute and stares at their daughter in wonder.

Alex grins, "Yeah, that's what I thought, too."


	11. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

_They're our objects of affection  
That can mesmerize the soul  
There is always one addiction  
That just cannot be controlled  
You are mine_

You Are Mine- Mute Math

_End of September, 5:48 am_

Ugh, she can't remember the last time she was awake this early, she glances at the clock with blearily eyes and frowns. Why is she awake?

Natalia answers with a cry and Alex hurriedly leaves her bed to soothe her daughter. It still baffles her (in a good way) that she's a mother and she often shakes her head in disbelief when she thinks about it.

Natalia continues to cry and Alex tries to comfort her, rocking her gently in her arms as they make their way back to Alex's bed. Alex shifts Natalia in her arms and adjusts her nightshirt, soon enough Natalia quiets as she happily feeds from her mother's breast.

Alex herself sighs contently and makes herself comfortable against the headboard.

*****

Max frowns as he studies the baby; Alex almost laughs at his perplexed expression but instead asks, "What?"

Max shakes his head, "It's just," he pauses and sends an apologetic look at Alex, "I don't get it."

She does laugh this time, "Get what?"

"Why people think babies are so cute. I mean, no offense, but from what I can tell all she does is cry, eat, sleep, and poop. And I don't mean to be mean, but she kind of looks like an alien. Only she's kind of red, not green like you see in movies."

Alex giggles and ruffles her brother's hair, "Oh, Max."

*****

She sits in the living room waiting for Justin to come to the loft. He should have been here fifteen minutes ago but she's assuming traffic is a bitch and that's why he's running late.

They're supposed to be telling their dad they want out of the competition. They've both decided that if they're going to go through with _this_, they want to be as normal as possible. And that means no magic. Besides, Max wants it more than either of them.

Finally he enters through the door, face flushed and slightly out of breath. "Sorry," he mumbles when he sees Alex settled on the couch. He quickly kisses Natalia's forehead and sits down next to Alex, "Is dad ready?"

Alex rolls her eyes, "No, you're both late. Who would've thought that I would be the one that was on time for something?"

Justin chuckles and leans back into the couch, stretching his legs out in front of him and taking a deep breath.

"Long day?" Alex asks.

He shrugs, "Sort of. I'm not used to working this much while I'm going to school."

Alex grimaces and sighs, "You know I can get a job, too."

Justin shakes his head, "No. Not yet anyway. I want you to spend as much time with Natalia as possible. Don't worry about me, Alex, so what if I'm a little tired? I kind of deserve to be punished after everything, don't I?"

Alex doesn't say anything, instead just looks at the door, biting her lower lip.

Eventually their father comes rushing up the stairs, panting slightly, Alex and Justin both rise to their feet quickly, concern clear on both their faces, Jerry notices and waves their worry away with his hand, "I'm fine, kids, just came up the stairs a little too fast."

Alex and Justin both relax and resume their seats on the couch. Jerry sits in the chair next to them and asks, "So what's this all about?"

Alex opens her mouth to answer but Jerry notices Natalia in her arms and noticeably perks up, "Ah, just wait a second Alex, let me see that beautiful little girl," Alex complies with a small smile and soon grandfather and granddaughter are sitting peacefully in the chair. "Okay," Jerry says when Alex is seated again. "Tell me."

This time Justin answers, "It's about the competition."

Jerry lifts an eyebrow and grins, "Really? I know it's coming up soon, you all must be getting ner—"

Alex cuts him off, "We want out, dad."

"Oh," Jerry exhales, his brow puckered after a moment he asks, "Why?"

Both Alex and Justin frown. Justin says, "Well, we both talked about it and decided that neither of us really wanted magic. We're both perfectly content to live as mortals. Besides dad, you know how much Max wants this. Have you ever seen him work at anything as hard as he does magic?"

Jerry nods in acquiesce, "I understand what you're saying," he laughs, "I don't know if this has ever been done before, a forfeit of powers, I mean. I can't see why it isn't allowed. Have either of you talked to Max about?"

Alex shakes her head, "Not yet, we wanted to clear it with you first."

Jerry nods again, "Right. Well, let me talk to someone about it and when I find out I'll tell Max. Is that alright?"

Justin nods and soon Jerry is on both feet again, he hands Natalia back to Alex but not before he kisses the little girl's head. "Take good care of her," he says to Alex, "I'll be back later."

*****

_Beginning of November, 6:04 pm_

It's amazing how quickly time has been passing for Alex these days. Before time seemed to drag on and on but now she can barely keep track of the days. Natalia is becoming more alert everyday or as Max fondly puts it, "She's almost like a person now."

The Russos are gathered around for a rare, non holiday family dinner. Tonight Justin and Alex plan on telling them. Not about Natalia. Alex mentally chuckles. Like that will happen.

Justin clears his throat importantly and Jerry and Theresa both turn to look at him. "What is it?" Theresa asks.

"Well," Justin begins but Alex interrupts him.

"I'm moving in with Justin."

Justin groans, "Smooth Alex, really smooth."

"Sorry," she mutters as she glances between their mother and father, "We both now you were just going to drag on an on."

Theresa looks like she's about to cry and it breaks Alex's heart, "Oh mom, don't cry."

Theresa sniffles, "You aren't happy here?"

Alex's frowns, "Oh mom, you know it isn't that. I can't expect you and dad to take care of us forever. Justin's offered to help. But don't worry; you'll still see plenty of Natalia. Actually, I was kind of hoping you wouldn't mind babysitting her."

Theresa smiles, "Of course, Alex! You know how much your father and I enjoy having her around."

"Good," Alex smiles. "It's just easier this way. I'll be able to work and go to school and not feel like burden to you and dad."

Jerry begins to contradict this but Alex just shakes her head in his direction. Soon enough they all turn back to their food and previous conversations and dinner resumes.

Later when Justin is leaving Alex stands outside the door with him. He smiles at her and brushes her hair back, "That went well. Or at least better than expected."

"Yeah," Alex agrees and looks down. Things are still awkward between them. She still hasn't quiet forgiven him, but he is trying. So, she figures she should try too and not push him away like she has been the past couple of months. With this thought she stands on her tiptoes and brushes her lips against his cheek. When she pulls back she sees his mouth slightly agape, she chuckles and reaches for the door handle behind her, "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

She doesn't give him the chance to answer, just goes back into the loft.


	12. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

_That you are all that I need  
For you, I give my soul to keep  
You see me, love me  
Just the way I am  
I said for you I am a better man  
I said you are the reason  
For everything that I do  
I'd be lost, so lost without you_

Better Man- James Morrison

_Beginning of December, 8:57 pm_

After Natalia is down for the night Alex finally finishes unpacking the last box in her and Justin's apartment. She plops down on their couch and sighs. She props her feet up on the coffee table, reaches for the remote and settles in to watch TV, intent on relaxing after an exhausting day.

She tries to get into the _Top Chef_ marathon that's on but she can't. Finally she gives up and glances around the apartment. It's not too small. There's a tiny dated kitchen with dark cupboards, a dining room that's just as small with hardwood floors, a cramped bathroom with opaque glass doors, a somewhat spacious living room and of course two decently sized bedrooms. She shares hers with Natalia and there's just enough room for her bed and Natalia's crib.

She finally added personal touches today, hanging some of her paintings and miscellaneous pictures of their family.

Justin's barely there. He's at school the majority of the time, he even works there now. It's the highest paying job he could fine and he gladly does it. Of course, it doesn't help that they live forty five minutes away from Yale and he spends almost two hours of his day getting to and from their home.

She glances at the clock on the cable box and rolls her eyes. This is her least favorite time of day. Natalia won't be waking for quite some time and Justin won't be home for at least another hour. She turns on the TV again and mindlessly watches it.

*****

_Christmas, 10:34 am_

Christmas is…well, it's weird, to be quite honest. Alex looks around at her family members and tries to return their smiles. Well, Justin's not smiling. She imagines that he's being overwhelmed with the same memories that she is.

Natalia cries from her bassinette in the living room and Alex quickly uses this as an excuse to leave the table (how horrible is she?)

*****

_Middle of January, 1:16 pm_

Justin's home this afternoon which is a rarity. And Alex is more than pleased with this occurrence but, okay, he does this thing, and she's not sure if he does it as, like, well, a pervy thing or if it's something more than that. He just _stares_ at her when she feeds Natalia. Maybe it's because her boob is kind of out, she doesn't know, she tries to keep as much of herself out of his view as possible.

Or maybe it's a father thing? Like, he's intrigued, or amazed, or jealous, or something over this breast feeding thing. She noticed him doing it months ago but now it's just kind of annoying her. "Justin!" she snaps, he looks up quickly, clearly startled, "Jesus," she sighs, "My face is up here. Would you mind look at it for once?"

"Sorry," he mumbles and has the decency to blush.

*****

_End of February, 9:01 am_

Natalia (or Talia as she is usually referred to now) amazes Alex. It kind of freaked her out the first time she rolled over on her own, but Alex eventually got over it. When she was able to sit up herself, Alex was fine with that. When she started to smile, coo, and laugh, Alex was astounded. It was so much fun to be around her now. Don't get her wrong, she's always loved her, but now Talia interacts with her and keeps her company. She's not so lonely throughout the day anymore.

Justin's still working and going to school all the time, Talia and Alex only really see him on the weekends and even that is short lived as he's either sleeping or studying. But he does try to play with Talia and talk to Alex as much as possible.

And slowly but surely things are becoming less awkward between them. They aren't physically intimate or anything but Alex wants to take her time. She's still kind of upset with him although it lessens all the time. They're getting…well, reacquainted she supposes. They barely talked for nine months and those months of separation did change them, not drastically but enough.

Natalia laughs loudly at a face her mother made and Alex joins in for a moment before trying to shush Natalia. But too late, Justin walks out of his room, clad in flannel pajama bottoms, disheveled hair and a grin on his face.

He silently asks Alex for permission to hold Natalia which she grants him with a slight nod and soon the laughter of all three Russos fills their tiny apartment.

*****

_End of March, 3:32 pm _

She should have known this would happen! Alex mentally face palms and tries to hide the cringe that's taken over her face. Don't panic, she thinks to herself and hurriedly tries to come up with some reason for it. But she can't.

Theresa giggles excitedly, "Oh! You weren't telling me she's talking!"

Alex rubs a hand over her face, "She isn't really, mom. Mostly gibberish." _Please don't say anything else_, she thinks. She glances at Justin to see his face outwardly displaying the panic that she's feeling.

Theresa laughs again, "But that is talking! Oh, when did she start?"

Justin answers, "A couple weeks ago, when Alex would leave the room she'd start to yell 'mama'."

Theresa's mouth turns upwards in a grin, "That's wonderful. Oh, I can't believe how fast she's growing," She finally looks at Justin to see his horror stricken face and rubs his back comfortingly, "Don't worry Justin, it's perfectly fine that Talia calls you 'dada'. You're the prominent male figure in her life. Personally, I think it's very sweet," she places a hand over her heart as she says this, "but when she gets a little older we'll have to teach her that you're her Uncle Justin, not her dad." And with that Theresa walks back into the living room to play with her granddaughter.

Alex just begins to laugh.


	13. An Interlude: Theresa

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

_I think that it's brainless to assume  
That making changes to your window's view  
Will give a new perspective  
And the hardest part is yet to come  
I don't mind restrictions  
Or if you're blacking out the friction_

Blacking Out the Friction- Death Cab for Cutie

And Interlude: Theresa

Theresa Russo would like to think that she's not as clueless as her children thinks she is. For example: she knows that two weeks ago Max snuck his girlfriend up into his room while he thought that she and Jerry were away for the night (Jerry got food poisoning and they came home early). She knew about every time Alex skipped school (before she even received the message from the automated recording). And she knew that Justin slept with a nightlight until he was 15 years old (really? Hiding it in his bottom dresser drawer? Couldn't he have been a little more original?)

So she knows that Justin and Alex are hiding something from her. And she assumes it has something to do with Natalia's unknown father.

She asked Alex once what Natalia's father was like, how they met, what he looked like, etcetera, etcetera. But Alex just stiffened up. Said that it didn't matter.

After Natalia was born, Theresa asked about Natalia's eyes, they were just so gorgeous, and the only thing about the little girl that didn't resemble Alex. Alex just stared hard at her daughter for a moment before she said, "They're her father's eyes," and left it at that.

As time passed and Justin became more and more of a father figure to Natalia, Theresa thought she'd drop the subject. After all, Natalia certainly wasn't short on any kind of affection or devotion. And soon the topic left her mind all together.

Until a week ago when Justin, Alex and Natalia were in New York for their bi-weekly visit. At first she just laughed off the fact that Talia called her uncle "dada", she was, of course, just a baby and she really didn't know any better. She tried to reassure this to Justin and Alex, as both of her children were clearly flabbergasted by the little girl's actions.

And once again, things seemed to go back to normal. Sort of. For the remainder of the visit Alex and Justin were stiff and awkward. Barely interacting with anyone else, especially each other.

Which reminded Theresa of all their strange behavior over the last year. Things were certainly peculiar between the two siblings, something always had been, and Theresa was almost positive that whatever it was this time had something to do with Natalia.

She just began to pray that what she suspects isn't true.

But when she stops to compare Justin's and Natalia's eyes, she's pretty sure she's right.


	14. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

_I've been waiting a long time  
Was just hoping I might find  
The right kind of lover  
For me, yeah  
Well you know I been lonesome  
God knows we all been lonesome  
Some people think they're lonesome  
With a need of being free, yeah  
But I would give it all up for you_

Give It Up- Amos Lee

_Middle of April, 2:35 pm_

It's a Monday and the first time in months that Justin isn't ungodly busy. So, Alex grabs him by the arm when he tries to rush to his room for some sleep and insists that he go shopping with her and Natalia, after all, isn't it kind of ridiculous for him to expect her to carry all those groceries and a baby by herself? She looks up at him from under her lashes as she says this and pouts slightly.

With a sigh and a small grin that he tries horribly to hide he agrees and goes into Alex's room to get Natalia out of her crib and ready for their trip.

Alex watches from the doorway and smiles widely as Justin slowly wakes Natalia from her nap. Natalia whines at first but soon realizes who it is and claps excitedly in her crib and extends her arms asking Justin as best she can to pick her up. "Dada!" She shouts once she's in his arm. Justin pecks her on the cheek and carries her into the living room where he proceeds to put her shoes and spring jacket on.

Finally all three are ready for their trip and make their way out the door.

They shop quietly without much incidence until they're about to leave, on the way to the registers Alex realizes she forgot to get a new pack of diapers, Justin rushes in the opposite direction while Alex waits patiently in front of a magazine rack. She reads the covers for a moment until Talia cries out about something. Alex quickly turns her gaze back to her daughter and places a comforting hand on her stomach. The warmth seems to relax her and she ceases her crying.

An elderly lady stops and coos at the sight of Alex's little girl, "She's just precious," she compliments to Alex. Alex smiles a thanks, not quite sure how to respond (if she says 'thank you' does that mean she's conceited? What if she says 'I know'? It's all too confusing so she just never responds verbally anymore). The lady spends a few more seconds looking at Natalia and trying to make the little girl laugh or smile. Justin finally returns with the diapers and places them in the cart causing the old woman to shift her gaze from Natalia to Justin. "And no wonder she's so adorable! Just look at you two! With a beautiful mother and handsome father, how could she not be?"

Justin opens his mouth to protest, but he must be in shock or something because his mouth just hangs open. "Umm, thank you?" Alex says and it comes out as more of a question. The woman winks awkwardly at Alex and mumbles "take care of your husband" in an insinuating sort of tone that makes Alex feel all sorts of dirty and walks away.

Justin watches the woman with his mouth still open and finally looks down at Alex, "Did she wink at you?" He asks incredulously.

Alex just shrugs, walks to a register and starts placing items on the conveyer belt.

*****

_Middle of August, 5:23 pm_

After many months of pouting and hair flipping and some begging and pleading, Justin finally concedes to Alex having a job.

After a couple of weeks she's sure that he's just in love with the idea as she is. He's cut back tremendously on hours at work and they now divide their day with Natalia. Alex stays home with her until twelve and works at a local café until five in the evening and Justin spends his mornings at work and his afternoons with Natalia. She may not be working much, only about twenty hours a week, but it's amazing.

Don't get her wrong, she loves Natalia and enjoys every minute she spends with her. But it's nice to have adult conversation with someone other than Justin.

She especially missed her baby girl today so when she gets to the apartment building she rushes up the stairs to her small home and is greeted by the scene of Justin and Natalia on their stomachs on the floor playing with one of Natalia's more annoying toys (she loves the girl, really, but next Christmas she isn't allowed to get anything that has batteries).

Natalia giggles at the noises and bright lights the toy is emitting and Justin joins in her laughter. Alex smiles at the sight. Quickly she kicks of her shoes and walks over Justin to sit on the couch behind him.

He glances at her for a moment, face full of a wide smile and turns his attention back to the little girl on the floor.

"Hey, baby girl," Alex says, quickly catching Natalia's attention. Seconds later, Natalia is crawling towards the couch and soon pulls herself into a standing position with the help of the couch and babbles a mile a second, the only thing distinguishable is the word 'mama' which she coos repeatedly.

Alex picks her up and helps Natalia settle into her lap. She kisses the tip of her nose and listens as the girl continues to 'talk'.

After only a few moments on her mother's lap she wants back on the floor to see her dad. Alex helps her stand and watches in shock as Natalia takes her first steps to Justin. She stumbles before she gets there, cries for a second from her spot on the floor and then crawls back to where her toys are, completely forgetting her father.

Alex looks up to see Justin wearing her same expression as herself and jumps to her feet, "Did you see her? She walked! Are babies supposed to walk this early?"

Justin replies in a voice just as excited as hers, "I don't know! But she walked!"

He scoops Alex up into his arms and Alex squeals as he spins around animatedly. Alex arms wrap around his neck and she hugs him tightly before he places her back on the ground.

She's still laughing and slightly dizzy as she looks up at Justin who now is all intense stares and harsh breathing as he looks down at her, she stops mid-giggle, and begins to inch closer to Justin, fully prepared for his kiss when something heavy and plastic hits her ankle, "Ow!" She cries out. "Natalia, don't throw, baby!" But Natalia isn't paying attention and when Alex turns back to look at Justin all she finds is empty space.

_Ugh_, she thinks to herself, _cockblocked by my baby_.


	15. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

_I feel safe now  
I feel good  
I'm not lonely anymore  
I've got something I shouldn't have  
And it's you  
And I've got you to hold me tight  
And I've got you to call when I'm sad  
And I've got you to kiss me goodnight  
Please don't ever leave me behind_

I'm Not Lonely Anymore- Jessica Lea Mayfield

_September 9__th__, 3:03 pm_

Her baby girl is one; Alex quickly wipes away the tears that have made their presence known on her face and plasters a smile on her countenance.

Her parents and Max have come to Connecticut for Natalia's birthday party and currently all five adults are crammed into the small dining room preparing to sing 'happy birthday' to the little girl. Justin stands behind her high chair and blows out her solitary candle when they've finished singing.

Alex finally breaks out of her reverie and rushes into the kitchen where she and Justin team up to cut the cake and place scoops of ice cream onto paper plates. Justin glances down at her briefly, instinctively knowing what she's thinking; quickly he wraps an arm around her waist and drops a kiss on top of her head. "I know, I can't believe it either," he mumbles into her hair.

They separate after a moment and carry the now full plates out to their guest.

Natalia doesn't seem to know what to make out of the items in front of her and soon is shoving her head into the cake. They all laugh at her action and Theresa quickly snaps a photo of her when she lifts her head back up to reveal it covered in rich, chocolate frosting.

The rest of the day passes by quickly, with Natalia (with the help of her parents) opening presents and being passed around between her grandparents and uncle.

The little girl has finally grown on Max who now often looks forward to seeing her. Alex knows he didn't hate Natalia or anything like that before, she just understands Max and his new eagerness to be around the girl that is "more of a person and less of a blob of flesh and bones" (Max's words, not hers.)He now spends most of his time making silly faces at Natalia, trying to make her laugh or tickling her tummy which always has her in a fit of giggles.

Around eight Natalia begins to fuss, clearly tired from her long day and Alex excuses herself to get Natalia ready for bed. She says a quick goodbye to her parents and Max before she scoops up Natalia and heads to their room.

A few minutes later she has Talia in a clean diaper and warm pajamas. She kisses her daughter's forehead before she places her in her crib. She smoothes back her hair and waits until she hears the door shut before she leaves her bedroom.

Justin is slumped on the couch, staring and the floor, obviously lost in though. She seats herself next to him and rests her head on his shoulder. He jerks out of his daze, smiles at her and wraps an arm around her. And they seat peacefully like that until Alex begins to fall asleep and Justin carries her to bed.

*****

_Beginning of October, 8:48 pm_

Alex's just returned from dropping Natalia off at her parent's loft. She runs a hand tiredly over her face after she's laid down on the couch. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. Natalia's been teething all week. She's been crying, she has a slight fever and won't stop drooling. She doesn't know what has exhausted her more, dealing with such a cranky baby, or seeing her daughter in pain.

She glances at the clock after a moment. Justin should be home soon. Things between them are finally back to normal. Or whatever 'normal' may be between them. They act like a couple behind closed doors now. Well, mostly. They hug and hold hands and kiss and sometimes (okay, most of the time) after Natalia is down for the night they spend their evening making out on the couch.

She hasn't slept with him though. She hasn't slept with anyone since that Christmas almost two years ago. She's pretty sure he hasn't either. He must be getting frustrated but he doesn't say anything. He just seems to be taking longer showers.

Finally he arrives home, kicks of his shoes, walks to the couch, lifts Alex legs up for a moment as he settles onto the couch before he places them in his lap and begins to rub small circles on her calves.

"Hey," she says after a moment.

"Hi, where's Natalia? Asleep already?"

"No," Alex shakes her head, "Mom and dad took her for a night. Mom insists that I need a break and a good night's sleep."

Justin 'hmms' and continues to caress her legs.

They sit like for a moment before Justin huffs in frustration and is pulling her into his lap and kissing her desperately, hands alternating between running through her hair and groping her ass as he pulls her closer to him. Alex moans against his lips and shifts forward, tugging at Justin's hair and eliciting a groan from him.

Justin soon grows tired of their kissing, stands up and carries them to his bedroom.

After he's removed both of their clothes something seems to cause him to slow down. He's just as eager as he was, just much more serene. He takes his time to trace the curves of her body. Grazing his calloused hands across her breast, making her nipples harden. He kisses the scar on the right side of her abdomen, the one she got after she had her appendix removed when she was six. He smiles against her skin, making her laugh and she runs her hand through his hair, "Soup?" she question and he chuckles, nodding against her skin as he remembers the day he decided to make lunch for his recovering sister and placed a whole can of soup in the microwave.

She giggles, "I'm glad you know how to cook now."

He snorts, "Yeah, me too." He quickly sobers and continues to gently touch and kiss her.

She grows annoyed, which she begins tells him, causing him to laugh and finally enter her. She gasps mid complaint, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against his pillow. He's slow and tender, just like she remembered, and polite too, letting her come before him.

She laughs at this when they're finished. They've just had sex for the first time in almost two year. On a Tuesday night, while their daughter is at their parent's house and Justin was a gentleman about the whole thing.

Justin just smirks when she tells him this, wraps her up in his arms and drifts to sleep.


	16. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

_Your whispering  
It's uplifting  
Sink into my body while I'm drifting  
When you kiss me  
Really truly kiss me  
Connected by our hearts  
We are one_

I'm In Peace- Justin Nozuka

_Christmas Eve, 11:02 pm_

They declined the invitation to spend the night back at the loft with their parents and Max, instead insisting that they wanted Natalia to themselves for her first alert Christmas. (She's sure that she heard some sort suspicion in her mother's voice when she said "they" wanted Talia to "themselves" but she brushes off, her mother can't possibly know, can she?)

Justin had put Natalia to bed a couple hours ago and Alex was now curled up next to him on the couch. Their relationship had transitioned well. She now shared a bed with Justin (though they kept a mattress in hers for show), they talked about everything, and they teased each other, had arguments and made up (just in a much better way now). They were still Justin and Alex; constantly butting heads and always there for each other (minus that time Justin was a dick and didn't talk to her, but neither of them really talked about that). Just, now they had a physical relationship, an intimacy, which the vast majority of siblings don't.

All in all, she's happy. Really, truly happy for the first time in ages. She just wishes she didn't have to be so secretive about everything. For the thousandth time she wishes she could be honest.

But as Justin tightens his arm around her waist and kisses her temple she decides that she'll settle for this.

For now, at least.

*****

_End of January, 5:34 pm_

She doesn't think much of the first note. She figures it's some lame joke by one of the many immature teenagers that lives in their building, it simply says: _I know._ She merely rolled her eyes when she pulled it off the door, crumbled it up and threw it away after she removed her coat and boots.

And they continued like that, simple notes sometimes held with empty threats.

But when she arrives home after a tiring day and all she craves is a hot mug of coffee, her baby girl in her lap and Justin's arm around her, she finds _this. _And it stops her. Covers her arms in gooseflesh, makes her glance over her shoulder, and makes her stomach turn to ice.

_You shall not uncover the nakedness of your sister, your father's daughter or your mother's daughter, whether born at home or abroad. –Leviticus 18:9 _

She tries to laugh it off. Chuckling forcefully in the hallway and plastering a smile on her face so Justin doesn't know. She intends to throw this away as fast as she can and never think about it again.

But she pauses for a moment before she turns the knob and hits the wall near the door, making her palm sting and turn red. Damn it! Damn it, damn it, damn it! Why does this always happen to her? She knows she's sick and wrong and so many variations of the word, but can't she be happy?

She wipes away the tears on her face and walks into the apartment.

Justin is asleep on the couch, Natalia's small, sleeping frame resting on top of his chest. The sight breaks her heart. She's seen them in all sorts of adorable states. Whether they're playing, eating or sleeping like they are now. But nothing has ever pulled at her heartstrings like this.

She bites back a sob but too late, Justin slowly opens his eyes, taking in his surroundings before his eyes land on her, "Hey," he whispers, all sleepy smiles and husky voice and it brings on a whole new round of tears.

Quickly, he's on his feet, putting Natalia in her crib as gently as he can before he's back in the living room, sinking to the floor next to Alex and wrapping his arms around her. "Shhh," he murmurs against her temple before he kisses it tenderly. "What happened?"

She just shakes her head and clings to him tighter. He lets her for a few minutes, gently rocking her and kissing her randomly. "Alex, babe, come on, what happened? Bad day at work?"

She snorts, "I wish."

He smoothes her hair back, "Then what is it?"

"There's something I haven't been telling you."

He stiffens and she knows what he's thinking; she's pregnant again, she found someone else, she doesn't love him anymore. She squeezes him tightly, "Not that. Nothing like that."

He relaxes, exhaling heavily, "Then what?"

She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, wishing all of this would go away. And she could have done that, months ago, if she hadn't willingly given up her powers. "I've been finding these notes on our door. At first I didn't think anything of them. They were really lame. 'I know', 'I've been watching you,' 'I'm going to tell.' But I thought they were some lame ass kids that were trying to be funny."

He nods, "Yeah? It probably is. Don't worry about it."

She shakes her head again, "It's not Justin," she pulls away from him for a moment, searching for the note in her jean pocket. She hands it to him and watches as the lines in his forehead become more and more pronounced. When he's done he looks up at her, his expression just as frightened as she sure hers was moments ago. She asks, "What kind of kid would do that?"

"I—I don't know," he admits, "Do you really think they know?"

She almost rolls her eyes, but the situation is far too serious for that. "Justin, they have to. As far as I know, we're the only brother and sister that live together in the building. They must have been watching us for awhile. And even you have to admit, we let ourselves get too comfortable." She feels dirty after she admits this because she's sure she's right. Someone out there has been watching her and Justin. Watching Natalia. Observing them like they're some kind of animals in the zoo.

She rubs her arms over herself, trying to scrub the feeling away. "Justin, I can't do this. I can't live here anymore. Not with someone watching our family."

He nods in understanding pulls her back into his lap, hugging her tightly and kissing her quickly on the corner of her mouth. "Give me a week."

She just hopes that they have a week.


	17. An Interlude: Max

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

_I'll tell you a secret  
Let's make this perfectly clear  
There's no secrets this year_

There's No Secrets This Year- Silversun Pickups

An Interlude: Max

Max first gets suspicious after his conversation with his father months ago. Alex and Justin were forfeiting? Was his dad joking? Were _they_ joking? They had been talking about the wizards competition ever since they found out that magic was real and they were privileged enough to have it.

So he starts to snoop. Going through his mom and dad's stuff. Sneaking into Justin and Alex's old bedrooms. He even starts to spend more time with the family. Listening intently to their conversations instead of tuning them out like he usually does.

Finally, he overhears his parents one night. Trying to be all hush-hush behind the counter down in the sub shop. He picks up little bits of conversation. Words like "I think," "Natalia's eyes," "Justin," "Alex," and his dad's repeated "Are you sure? Really?"

He rolls his eyes, shakes his head and moves on to a new table. Really? Are they really that dense? Honestly, you'd have to be deaf, blind and stupid not to know that there was _something _between Alex and Justin. It had been there since they were kids.

He had always wanted in on their little games. But he was three years old when they were really close and they didn't want anything to do with their toddler brother. Yeah, Justin was always there for him when he had a problem and Alex was always there when he wanted to pull some kind of prank on someone (usually their brother). But he had never been allowed in on what they had. He was always the third wheel.

He knows that some people make think it's wrong. But it's just who they are. Who they _always_ have been. And sure, maybe he should be disgusted. But he can't bring himself to be. Maybe biology just screwed up this once. Put two people that were meant to be together, _soul mates_ or some junk like that into bodies that shared blood.

He's never been in love but he hopes that when he does find it it's something like the love Alex and Justin have for one another.

His mother pulls him out of his contemplation with a shake to his shoulders, he turns to face her, knows what she's about say. So he cuts her off.

"Mom, don't bother, I've known forever."

She looks a little bewildered, so he pats her shoulder in a comforting gesture and moves on to his next table.


	18. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

_I'll sing it one last time for you  
Then we really have to go  
You've been the only thing that's right  
In all I've done  
And I can barely look at you  
But every single time I do  
I know we'll make it anywhere  
Away from here_

Run-Snow Patrol

_Beginning of February, 2:58 am_

She can't sleep. Not anymore. She spends half of her night watching Justin as he sleeps beside her and the other half watching the red digital numbers on his alarm clock change. She's so drained. Between work and Natalia and some creep that's out there. Watching her. Watching Justin. Watching her baby.

Justin said he needed a week and it's been almost two. The notes are worse. The words on them more threatening and she spends half of her time waiting for someone to come and take her Natalia away_. _She knows she and Justin could go to jail, have Natalia taken from them. She's only done a little research on _this. _Incest. She cringes when she thinks of the word. So dirty and wrong, but what she has with Justin seems nothing like that. How could it be? If it's so horrible, so illegal, so frowned upon, how come this is the happiest she's ever been? Why is she so blessed? If it's so wrong, would god have given her a child? A man who loves her and their daughter more than anything in the world? She's not really religious or anything, just goes to church on holidays and not every year, just when one of their grandma's is visiting. (Because, really, when you have a Mexican and an Italian grandma one of them is bound to shove Catholicism down your throat when they're able to.) But she's pretty sure if god is spiteful like some people make him out to be, he wouldn't allow _this, _he would be punishing them.

She sighs deeply, turns away from the clock and studies Justin. She has to admit, he's not doing much better than her. His face is always scrunched up, even in sleep when usually the lines that harden his face during the day (especially when he's frustrated with something she's just said) disappear and relax at night. He seems content then.

Not anymore. They've barely talked the past couple weeks, just formal stuff, the 'how was your day?' 'did you change Natalia?' and the customary 'I love you' before bed. She hates that the most. They always tell each other they love one another. Usually with a smile or a hug or with a kiss. But now it's just simply words, an 'I love you' that sounds hollow even though she knows it's not. She knows he loves her as much as he used to, but things are different now, things that used to be theirs have been shared with someone else, someone they don't know, someone that wants to hurt them, not physically, but in the worst possible way they can.

She wants things back to how they were, secretive and _theirs, _solely theirs. She knows he's working hard at something. Planning something like Justin normally would.

He's gone for hours at a time now. She isn't sure what exactly he's doing. But she knows it's for them, so they can have their lives back.

When the tears begin to well up in her eyes for the umpteenth time that week, she moves closer to Justin, resting her head on his chest and closes her eyes, willing her brain to _stop_ so she can sleep.

*****

That morning when she wakes up she's alone in bed, the sun surprisingly bright for a February morning, she squints at the light and turns away from it, searching for the clock with her tired eyes but finds nothing. In fact, there's not even a night stand there anymore. Her tiredness vanishes from her quickly and she sits up in bed, glancing around the room she realizes that she and the barely covered bed are the only things left in the once cramped room. "Justin!" She calls worriedly, shoving the comforter from her body and walking (running) out the door.

She's almost to the front door (she barely takes in the empty living room) when she feels someone grab her from behind. "Shh," Justin whispers into her hair and presses a kiss just below her ear, "I'm here."

"Oh god," she sighs and turns around, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. "Oh god," she repeats and pulls away for a second to kiss his lips before she's wrapping her arms around his neck once again. "I was so scared."

"Shh," he tries again and trails his fingers down her spine, up and down. The motion soothes her like he knew it would and before long she's relaxing in his embrace.

"Where is everything?"

"Packed into boxes and in your new home." Someone says from behind her. She stiffens again before she realizes that the voice sounds so familiar because, hey, it's Max, her brother, and she's only been hearing his voice for the majority of her life.

"Max?" She asks, she doesn't know why, because, duh, she's already established that, but she chalks it up to shock and before long she's hugging him because something tells her that she should be.

"What are you doing here?" She asks after a moment, reaching for Justin's hand but stops when she becomes conscious of the fact that she's in front of Max. And all this is supposed to be a _secret. _

"Helping," he answers with a shrug, "Justin asked for my help," he grins cockily at her and lifts his chin in Justin's direction, and says "Can you believe _Justin _asked _me_ for help?"

She laughs and smiles, "Not really, no offense."

Max waves a hand at her, implying that none was taken, "Don't worry about it. I know he only asked because I'm the full wizard and everything now. And believe me, not much is gonna get you guys out of this but magic."

"Magic?" Alex question, eyebrow arched, she crosses her arms across her chest and glances back and forth between Justin and Max.

Justin looks away guiltily and rubs a hand over his stubble covered jaw. "I didn't know of any other way."

"To what?"

"To runaway. To become someone new. So we could be us."

She supposes she should be confused by this statement, but, they're Justin and Alex and it makes sense. She almost hits him though when she realizes that this means that Max knows.

"It's okay, Alex. Mom and dad know, too." Max chuckles and stares down at his feet, "They have for quite some time."

Alex thinks she should be surprised, but, they are Russos and honestly, stranger things have happened.

"Mom and dad know?"

Max and Justin nod, although Justin's face is a little flushed and he won't make eye contact with Max.

They all stand there awkwardly for a moment, not looking at each other and rocking back and forth on their feet.

Justin looks down at his watch and sighs, a relieved sigh, one she hasn't heard in quite some time. "It's time to go."

Alex furrows her brow, "Time to go?"

Justin just nods and motions his head at Max, silently communicating something and a second later she's dressed in real clothes, and that's weird, because Max wasn't always that good at magic, but he just did that and it turned out alright.

She follows them silently until it dawns on her that someone is missing, "Where's Natalia?!" She exclaims, panic once again taking over her body.

"Don't worry, she's downstairs with mom and dad," Max answers and continues out the door. Justin wraps an arm around her waist, his hand dropping down near her hip.

She smiles up at him because she still isn't sure what's going on and she allows him to pull her down the stairs with him.

Outside she spots her parents. Natalia playing happily with them on the sidewalk. She smiles at this because now she's sure what's going on and she's also sure this is the last time they're all going to be together like this.

Theresa catches her eye and she knows she's right, her mother's eyes are red and kind of glazed like she's been crying all morning and Alex is positive that she has been.

A little ways away, Jerry is chasing Natalia down the sidewalk and catches her around the waist mid giggle before he turns around and his expression changes to one of melancholy. He carries Natalia back to where the rest of the family is gathered and hands the little girl to Alex before he kisses both girls on the forehead and smoothes back their hair, "I love you, little girl." He says into Natalia's ear, "Both of you," he finishes with a poignant look at Alex.

Alex feels the tears begin and she tries to stop but it's no use. Theresa comes up to her next, wrapping her daughter and her granddaughter up in a hug, Alex hears her mother hiccup a cry and she tightens the one arm she has around her mom. After a long minute, Theresa pulls away and places a hand on Alex's cheek. It's cold like it always is, probably even more so because of the weather and the fact that her mother isn't wearing any gloves.

Theresa takes another minute to study Alex, running her hands across her daughter's face like she did years ago, the night all of this started. Alex lets out a sob before she hugs her mother again. "I'm going to miss you so much," Theresa whispers in her ear and kisses Alex's temple, "I love you," she finishes and her voice cracks and Alex is pretty sure her heart just broke a little bit.

Soon goodbyes are said all around, Jerry and Theresa pulling Justin away separately, hugging him like they did Alex moments before and Theresa kissing his cheek in goodbye.

They all return a minute later, huddling in a circle on the sidewalk, all with red rimmed eyes and pitiful faces.

"Ready?" Max asks.

Alex doesn't respond, just hugs Natalia closer to her body and grabs Justin's hand. Justin nods, pulling Alex closer and kissing Natalia's hair. "We're ready."

And a second later they disappear from sight.

* * *

A/N: This is the last chapter. Please, please, please leave a review. Let me know what you think. Seriously, you guys are the best and your reviews are amazing. The epilogue will be posted in the next couple of days in. I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you.


	19. Epilogue

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

_Sweet disposition  
Never too soon  
Oh reckless abandon  
Like no one's  
Watching you  
A moment, a love  
A dream aloud  
A kiss, a cry  
Our rights, our wrongs  
A moment, a love  
A dream aloud  
A moment, a love  
A dream aloud_

Sweet Disposition- The Temper Trap

Epilogue-Four Years Later

_Mother's Day, 7:28 am_

She woke up suddenly, hearing people whispering downstairs, or at least trying to whisper. She closed her eyes tighter and buried her head in her pillow. Ugh, Justin promised he would wake up with them this morning, promised her one Sunday of sleeping in late.

A second later she heard two pairs of feet running up the stairs and prepared herself for the onslaught of bodies she knew was about to occur. Sure enough, seconds later, a small body made contact with hers, an elbow in her back and soon after that another body attacked, this time a hand lightly smacking the back of her head. "Oof," she mumbled into the pillow before turning her head away from it and facing the two little girls on the bed. "Good mornin' mom," Natalia said, smiling brightly at her mom.

"Good morning, Talia," she replied, easily returning the gesture, after all, one could rarely ever be upset with the little girl. Over the years she had grown taller, her hair getting longer and curlier with every year, she still looked mostly like Alex only with Justin's grey eyes and she was still the sweetest kid; usually she was jovial with a big grin on her face, she constantly told stories and was always trying to help her mom and dad out.

It still amazes her that her little girl is six years old and in school. She does really well, too, obviously taking after Justin in that sense (at least that's what he's always saying, with a good natured grin, of course). That had been one of their biggest fears, Natalia physically was fine but for the first few years they had always worried that maybe there was something mentally wrong with their daughter, so far she had proven this wrong.

"Hi mama!" a little voice exclaimed from her right. Alex turned to the source and grinned at her other daughter.

"Good morning, Ana," She brought the toddler into her lap and kissed her forehead, "how are you today?"

Ana grinned at her mother, shrugged her shoulders and wiggled herself out of Alex's grasp. She jumped from the bed and ran out of the room, heading for the stairs.

Natalia huffed, crossed her arms and rolled her eyes in her little sister's direction, "I don't know what's wrong with her mommy, she's been crazy like that all morning."

Alex cocked an eyebrow and held back a smile, "All morning? Just when did you two wake up?"

Natalia rolled her eyes again and brushed a strand of hair out of her face, "Since six! Ana came and woke me up! So I came and told daddy and then he told us to hush or we were gonna wake you up and he made us go downstairs. And then…" Natalia quickly covered her mouth. "I can't tell you what we did after that."

Alex furrowed her brow, "Why not?"

"'Cause I promised daddy I wouldn't."

Alex sighed, "Alright. I suppose I should get downstairs and help your dad."

"No!" Natalia cried, resting on her knees on her parent's bed and trying to push Alex back into the bed, "You can't! I promised daddy!"

Alex huffed and leaned back, "Fine."

"Good," Natalia replied, resting for a moment on the bed. "I'll be right back, okay, mommy? And you stay right here, okay?"

Alex resisted the urge to roll her eyes, "Yes, Talia, I understand." Once she promised she wouldn't move Natalia quickly fled from the room and joined her dad and little sister downstairs.

Alex just took in her surroundings, waiting for Justin and the girls to finish whatever they were doing, taking in the family photos that adorn their bedroom walls, it still dumbfounds her that she finally has this life, finally has some peace and happiness. She often reflects on the day she and Justin left the east coast and came to this Podunk town in the Midwest. She still isn't sure what Justin said to their parents all those years ago, just knows that whatever it was brought them to this place.

She and Justin changed their last names and became known as husband and wife, not brother and sister. She finally finished going to college and now teaches art to the kids at the local elementary, a job that's almost a perfect fit, really. She gets to teach something she loves, still has time to work on her own projects and she has plenty of time to spend with Ana.

Analeigh was a surprise, to say the least. She and Justin became a little too comfortable with their new lives and forgot to use protection, the result being their youngest daughter, Analeigh Marie. Justin tried to seem upset with the idea at first, but she knew it was all a front, he was just trying to appease her, thinking that she didn't want another child, and he was partially right. She did want another child, but was fearful of what could go wrong and for that reason often told him 'no more kids', they may be married in this life, but they're still biologically brother and sister.

As soon as she admitted that she _was _excited he did the same, and doted on her in every way he didn't when she was pregnant with Natalia. Which she's sure he only did half of the stuff he did because he felt so guilty about being absent during her first pregnancy (not that she was complaining, sometimes she'd even make stuff up to see what he would and wouldn't do for her.)

Analeigh was the perfect combination of the two. She had Justin's ears, nose and her eyes were shaped like his, although they were toffee colored like her mom's and she had her mom's mouth. She was definitely their wild child. She was always in motion, running, dancing, jumping, and her mouth was always moving too, she was frequently making up new songs and singing them as she played. The only time she was still was in her sleep, but they never complained, she always making her family laugh and smile.

Alex was brought out of her revelry when something heavy clattered downstairs. She rolled her eyes, pushed the blankets off her legs and made her way downstairs.

Ana spotted her first, "Happy mama's day!"

Natalia followed suit, no longer wanting to keep her promise to her father, "Happy Mother's day!" She said, wrapping her arms around Alex's body.

Justin saw her last, smiling pleasantly at her, he had flour on his forehead and his cheeks were flushed, she looked around their kitchen to find it a mess; Justin and her girls had evidently been trying to cook her breakfast, and things apparently weren't going as planned, "Alex," he said, a little short of breath.

She crossed her arms, getting ready to reprimand him for his mess when she took in his blissful appearance once again; hesitantly she returned his grin, shaking her head and laughed, "Justin."

-_fin_-


End file.
